"a sometimes toneless drone"
"would have made a majestic EP"
"a wildly hit and miss process"
"merely competent workers in the grimy craft of pop"
"doesn't specify male or female pelvises"
These are quotes from some of the reviews that greeted the original release of The Smiths self-titled debut album in early 1984. Here's a look at these reviews in more detail.
NME
NME
The NME review is titled Gladioli All Over, with an open shirted picture of a sultry Morrissey by Anton Corbijn, captioned 'Morrissey mullin' it over'.
A long, confused and confusing review generally praises Morrissey's lyrics without mentioning the vocals, and makes the point several times that the singer's wit and wordplay compensate for the shortcomings of the music and unnamed band members. "The Smiths in plural are as average as their uncharismatic name suggests", the band are described as "musically mildly regressive", saved by the singer's "pastel words of nostalgia". Morrissey apparently captures "a notion of despair reflected perfectly in the lacklustre sound of his cohorts". Morrissey is portrayed as a wielder, the band merely as workers - he is a "wielder of the archaic art of the word, his cohorts are merely competent workers in the grimy craft of pop."
The reviewer makes the more coherent point that Morrissey's viewpoint "is one visibly strained through early 60s films of late 50s novels - a notion of reality three times removed." and opener Reel Around The Fountain is singled out for praise, "world weary tones washing a grey tale of innocence lost".
There isn't really a summing up of the album as a whole (as opposed to Morrissey the man), the closest we get is "delightful in its diversity, intriguing in its attention to detail, but finally impenetrable".
Record Mirror
Smithereens is the title of the Record Mirror review, accompanied by a shot of Morrissey in profile which accentuates his impressive quiff, and the caption 'Sombre Morrissey contemplates gladdi-bashing a Smith'. (I don't quite understand the relevance of that, and I'm not sure I want to delve any deeper into the pun).
Aside from a tortuous band-as-ship metaphor, Morrissey himself is well received, as "pop's first celibate sex symbol, with "overtly literary wordplay" and "eerie falsettos".
The album gets an average mark of three out of five, and this is reflected in the review - "the Smiths LP was supposed to be magnificent. And it isn't", "the results can be masterful", and this record is "a wildly hit and miss process". At times "Morrissey gets morose and the band workmanlike", as a result "that elusive Smithdom is smothered." It's not all bad though, "five songs herein are truly great" and the "LP would have made a majestic EP".
Smash Hits
The brief Smash Hits review is perhaps more complimentary than the more serious music papers, resulting in an unexpectedly high 8 out of 10 score. Mark Ellen hails the LP as "genuinely wonderful". Morrissey's lyrics are compared to his clothes, both "sombre, curiously old-fashioned and they don't quite fit." Moving quickly onto the tunes, he notes the mysterious scenes conjured up by the "guitars that chime like clockwork".
(Howard Jones' Human's Lib album reviewed next on the same page by Neil Tennant fares less well, getting a 6.5 mark and faint-praise-damned as "a must for all Supertramp fans".)
Rolling Stone
The Smiths album gets four stars out of five in Rolling Stone magazine, and the pay-off "this record repays close listening". [Link]. Kurt Loder seems to know (or dare to print) a lot more than the UK press about Steven Patrick's personal life, and gets straight to the point, "his memories of heterosexual rejection and homosexual isolation seem too persistently painful to be dealt with obliquely."
The lyrics are praised, despite their sombre poetry they are "surprisingly warm and entertaining", and with the concise phrase "Morrissey lays out his life like a shoebox full of faded snapshots."
The vocals are grudgingly accepted, "a sometimes toneless drone that can squeal off without warning into an eerie falsetto", and Loder claims he eventually finds Morrissey's voice quite charming. (This is the second reference to an eerie falsetto, along with the Record Mirror review. Coincidence?).
The review notes the borrowing of "a clever reprise of a venerable garage-punk riff" in What Difference Does It Make, and overall the music gets a good deal. The "delicately chiming guitars of co-composer Johnny Marr" are "rhythmically insinuating", the album is"surprisingly warm and entertaining".
Creem
Creem's album review is headlined Good Day Sunshine, referencing the Beatles track, but perhaps sarcastically insinuating that The Smiths are not all sweetness and light. The first couple of paragraphs mention the press release claim that the album and band "replenish appetites of the soul and the pelvis simultaneously." and goes into some detail about male and female pelvises, as quoted above.
A neat introduction to the band states "You don't know The Smiths? From England? You will. They are an important band. They sing about things that no other band has ever sung about, and they do it well."
In general, the songs are praised as "products of very sharp minds [that] know the value of being purposefully obtuse." Some songs, particularly The Hand That Rocks The Cradle, are compared to the Velvet Underground, and This Charming Man is described as last year's finest single, "the first hint of greatness".
There's no review score in Creem but the tone is positive, calling this "a debut album unlike any other record you have ever heard." The band are praised for having no gimmicks, "a depth most musical and lyrical" and with the prediction that "The Smiths will be with us for a very long time." Not entirely true of the band itself, but true of the band's music and influence.
Puns
The pun podium gold medal goes to NME with a Gladioli All Over, in the absence of any other competition. (Referencing the famous TOTP appearance of This Charming Man with gladioli waving, and the Dave Clark Five 1964 hit Glad All Over).
Sources
Gladioli All Over, NME album review of The Smiths, Don Watson, 25th February 1984 p31
Smithereens..., The Smiths (Rough Trade RT 61), Record Mirror, Graham K Smith, Feb 25 1984 p19
Smash Hits The Smiths album review, Mark Ellen, 01-14 March 1984 (Link)
Rolling Stone The Smiths The Smiths, Kurt Loder, June 21 1984 (Link)
Good Day Sunshine, Creem review of The Smiths album on Sire Records, Dave DiMartino, June 1984
The image at the top is a Rough Trade records ad for The Smiths This Charming Man single placed in Melody Maker 05 November 1983 page 19. (Right below a large introductory feature on Madonna titled Breathless).
